Seven things I did to reboot my life
To be honest, I’ve started and abandoned this entry several times. Too many times actually, but I’m not giving up. Reading Wil Wheaton’s Seven Things I Did to Reboot My Life ages ago, I realized this was me as well. Like Wil, I was not happy with myself, and where I am/was (not sure which one applies right now) and felt that I needed to change something. I’m in my 30’s, I’m out of shape, and I’m not happy. I’m not miserable, per say, but I’m not happy.
Not happy with who I am, where I am, or what I am. I haven’t been eating right, or sleeping right. I haven’t been getting enough exercise, and I don’t socialize enough. In short; I’m not doing the whole “being me” thing very well, I’m making myself miserable. And while I’m constantly feeling the need to be creative, to make something, I am not doing that. And while I’ve had a thousand and one ideas and projects running around in my head, if I’ve actually gotten them started they’ve been abandoned and left to die by the roadside.
This is something I’m writing for nobody but myself, but if it benefits someone else, all the better. It’s a yardstick that I can look back to, in order to see where I’ve gotten.
Shamelessly stolen
So, in the words of Wil, “I took a long, hard, serious look at myself, and concluded that some things needed to change.” He started his project with a list of seven things, which I have shamelessly stolen:
- Drink less beer.
- Read more (and Reddit does not count as reading).
- Write more.
- Watch more movies.
- Get better sleep.
- Eat better food.
- Exercise more.
Change is a scary thing, because ruts are scary places to be in and even scarier places to get out of. It means you have to take a hard look at yourself and where you are, to see what needs to change. For me, some factors were easy to figure out. I moved to a different part of town, and I’ve now quit my job. These two things alone have made wonders in the whole happiness project.
I start my new job in the end of August, where I’ll have the chance to make use of both my experience and my field of study. The latter especially is a godsend. My old job, while interesting at times, was a paycheck. It was to a large degree mind-numbing and made me complacent. The things that made it worthwhile were my colleagues and the client. I am forever grateful for them and the responsibility they gave me, which has been a major stepping stone for me to get where I am going, but it has dulled my edge when it comes to creativity. So change, while scary, is welcome.
Drink less beer
It hasn’t been drinking less beer that has been the important thing for me, I’ve never been a strictly beer guy, it has been the fact that I’ve gotten tired of “drunk”. I’ve never been an especially hard core party animal, but over the last years I’ve grown more and more tired of drunkenness. Both my own, and in others. It started to a certain degree when I worked as a freelance concert photographer. I don’t drink while I work, no matter what. Going to concerts every weekend and staying sober made me appreciate things in a different light.
It’s not that I’ve stopped drinking, and that I never get drunk, but getting drunk and “holy crap I’m so fucked up bro” shouldn’t be a goal. A major part of this has been the realization that among my crowd good times came out of getting drunk. Drunk was not a by-product of having a good time, but a requirement for having a good time, and I’m too old for that shit. So, I drink less, which means that I’ve started to pick stuff from the top shelf rather than the bottom shelf. I’ve started enjoying stuff, not consuming it, which is a trend that is going to run through this post.
Read More
A year or so ago, I bought a kindle and it has changed the way I appreciate literature. I’m still a firm believer that a kindle can never replace the tactile feel of a book. The texture and smell of the paper, the sound of turning a page. But it is more practical. I can bring with me both books that I need and books that I want to read, and it isn’t a hassle. I can just stuff it in my pocket and forget that its there.
I’ve been an avid reader since I was a child, but the last few years I’ve read less and less. It’s a byproduct of having to to read books, and not reading books because I wanted to read them. Reading became a chore. The kindle has allowed me to just kill a few moments here and there. Slowly get back on track of reading books with pleasure again.
I’m trying to turn reading from something I do when I have the time, into something that I take the time to do. Reading should be pleasure and leisure, and I’m trying my best to return it to that once again. It also has the added benefit of kick-starting my brain into writing mode. Reading is fuel for writing. I’ve known this for years, it was reading cheesy fantasy in junior high and high school that made me start writing in the first place, but there is a difference between knowing and knowing. Now I don’t only read to be entertained, but to peek into the toolbox of other writers.
Write more
These days I am never without a moleskin notebook and my teeny tiny fountain pen. I spend both hours writing in it and I just quickly jot a sentence down there. The main outlet for my creative writing has for years been for tabletop RPGs, something that I’ve not been doing for about a year since my last group fell apart. But the stories I’ve wanted to tell has never stopped taking root in my head, even if they’ve never been made into something. Most of them has just ended up as scraps in my Evernote, waiting for the chance to be used. Which I’ve realized is the wrong way to look at things. You don’t wait for the opportunity to use them. You have to make it.
Writing goes, as I mentioned earlier, hand in hand with reading. I’m reading more, and I’m getting more input to fuel my writing. I get inspiration and I see what not to do. Reading refines the voice I want to have in my own writing.
I’m not forcing myself to write, and I’ve set no goals with it. I might do that in a while, but right now I am just enjoying the art of writing in it self. I am writing for no-one but myself. For the sheer pleasure of writing and telling a story. The first reader of my stories is myself, and I’m trying to make not only something that I want to tell, but also something that I want to read. Creativity is a selfish act after all.
Watch More Movies
For me, this also includes video games. I’ve always consumed a large amount of video games and movies, but that’s the kicker. I’ve consumed them, but I haven’t had my mind in them. I haven’t experienced them. For a long time, they’ve been a way to pass time. I’ve usually put on a movie in the background while I’ve been playing a game. This is a fucking stupid thing. It means I haven’t been paying proper attention to either of them. I’ve been consuming them, but not really experiencing them.
Experiencing movies and games are for me the same as reading. It’s both enjoying creativity and peeking into other peoples’ toolbox. And truth be told, there are a whole lot of wonderful movies and games that I’ve gone back to, actually paid attention to, and fallen completely in love with. It all falls into the same category as reading. It is enjoying stories and learning from them. I’d say it’s as simple as that, but if it was as simple as that I wouldn’t be having these fucking problems, now would I?
Sleep, Food, and Exercise
These three points are the important foundations that everything else is built upon. I know this, you know this. Everybody fucking knows this. But we all have trouble with getting this shit right. I’m a night owl. I’m the most productive and creative at night, which tends to fuck up my sleep pattern. Especially since I have to get up at around 6 Am. Going to bed at 3 Am is not really compatible with that. I’ve banned the phone in bed, though I still break the rule occasionally. Yeah, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I used to put on a movie and fall asleep to that, and that’s completely out of the picture these days. It was the sound that I needed, something to focus my mind on as I drifted off.
This is something I’ve used as a safety blanket to not get stuck in my own head and keep myself up with thinking too much. Podcasts has been the substitute and has worked wonders so far. While it is still not an ideal situation, it is an improvement on having the room filled with blue lights that keep firing of my brain as I try to sleep. Sleeping better gives me more energy and reduces the time it takes for me to get into the creative mindset.
Food and exercise goes hand in hand. I’m fat, it is something I admit. Not obese, but fat. And it is is something that I’m working on. I’m back at the gym, and I’m focusing more on my eating habits. Some focus on what I eat, because I’ve never eaten all that much bad stuff, but mostly on when and how much I eat. It’s slow going, but this is a long term goal. A few years ago, I worked intensely on this and lost 50 kg in a year. I was ecstatic and I felt better than I’ve ever have. But I didn’t manage to stay there.
Building Rome
Stress, misery, and work got in the way. Soon I was back to old habits. Eating few but huge and heavy meals. Sitting still too much. Smoking like a chimney. Thankfully I haven’t put on all of the 50 kg, but I have put on enough that it makes me miserable. So it’s back to it, but this time the focus is the long term goal. The strange thing is that it is harder this time around than it was the last time, and this time I know what I’m doing.
This is an on-going project. Now I’m going to the gym on a regular basis, and I’ve been getting into hiking and landscape photography like crazy lately. There is a greater focus on what I eat, and I’m forcing myself to get to bed at a decent time. I’m building the foundation for change, and it is not done all at once. My days are too sedimentary, so it feels great to use my body and feel the improvement. It feels great that I’m starting to have the energy to create again.
This isn’t easy, and I never expected it to be. I’ve had progress and I’ve had fallbacks. Ruts are hard to get out of, but it is so fucking rewarding when you do. I’m starting to feel comfortable with myself and with what I am. I have to be strict with myself, and it isn’t fun, but it is rewarding. I’ve left behind negative parts of my life, and I’m starting to feel happy. Happy is a state we all should strive for, because in the end the only one that can take responsibility for your happiness is yourself. Fuck that sounded like a crappy self-help motivation advice. Fuck that. Work hard, get rid of the bad parts of your life, change yourself into something that makes you happy.
